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Jersey Shore Family Vacation Season Premiere Recap: The Madness Is Back

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America’s favorite guidos and guidettes are back and tanner than ever. After more than five years, the cast of the Jersey Shore decided to get in on the reboot game and run it back a few more times with Jersey Shore Family Vacation. I, for one, could not be happier. If you did not watch Jersey Shore during their iconic six season run, you missed out on peak reality TV. I remember going into my friend’s dorm room in college just to watch the latest drama between Ron and Sam. Fist pumping, Seaside Heights, and catchphrases like “Cabs are here,” became staples for the lives of many.

Nothing will ever touch the original run from this cast, but after watching the first two episodes, Jersey Shore Family Vacation was a funny and entertaining stroll down memory lane. Let’s get into the recap.

Season 1, Episodes 1 and 2: “What’s in the Bag?” “The Ring”

MTV / Jersey Shore Family Vacation

– The beginning segment gave us a look into what the cast has been up to these last five years. Everyone seems to have grown up…sort of. Pauly is killing it, Vin is a stud, Snooki and Deena are married, and Mike is in some legal trouble. Huge shoutout to JWoww and Roger for staying together and having children. It truly gives me hope that I will find my wife on the dance floor of some bar when “Levels” comes on.

– That brings us to Ron. First of all, if you don’t immediately say “RAHN STAHP” in your head when Ronnie gets brought up, you are not a real fan. Out of the entire cast, Ronnie boy has grown up the least. Ron and his girlfriend just had a baby so congrats to my tan friend! However, Ronnie as a dad is #NotMyRonnie. Ronnie drunk out of his mind and kissing two girls is the Ronnie I need.

MTV / Jersey Shore

– The Situation has a (legal) situation! I remember following this drama when it initially broke and figured he would do some prison time. I believe Mike has a sentencing hearing at the end of the month and it sounds like he won’t do a lot of time. Situation can’t do prison because the show needs him to film season 2. That being said, Situation wearing expensive designer shades to a court hearing that’s built around money made me crack up.

Also, if Mike gets any more dye for his hair, he’ll end up looking like a lego.

– I want to single out Danny and the Shore Store for a second. I call people heroes all too often, but Danny is a hero. This show was filmed in Miami and Danny and his store STILL got camera time. He is the biggest “fake it til you make it” story I have heard in awhile. I can rent out a decent house to a bunch of drunk guidos. I can open up a store where I can sell “Yolo” t-shirts and neon hats. MTV, hire me! I actually met Danny when I went to after-prom at Seaside. Turns out he was a nice guy, but I am such a loser for seeking him out to say hi. 18 year old me was a loose cannon.

– Let’s skip ahead to the arrival. Snooki is still a hot mess, making loud comment after loud comment. “We’re rich.” You have the fans to thank for that!

– Pauly D is still the rockstar of the show. He has has the best career post Jersey Shore and it’s not even close. Pauly still tours the country DJing, bringing in A LOT of money every year. That being said, he is the best cast member. He’s funny, lovable, and seems like a good dude to be around. Pauly could smile and say to me “I burnt down your house” and I’d still laugh. Plus, Pauly is the only one that could get away with the “crossing the line” jokes.

– When the guys made fun of the girls for their plastic surgery >>> I think Snooki is hilarious and I like her character, but I can’t look at her the same with those lips. As Ron and Vin said, “You can see the price tag hanging off her face.”

– If you thought this crew would slow down, think again. They were probably wasted after 30 minutes in that house. I used to have a theory that producers forced them to drink so they can get their wasted antics on camera. Maybe it’s not a theory anymore *thinking face*

– The Sammi doll was a nice touch, but I will be the first to say that I will miss the real Sam. In particular, Ron vs. Sam. Most fans hated RAHN STAHP, but the two of them together were electric. I don’t condone cheating, but when Ron cheated on Sam and it gave us the note, reality TV history was made. Will they break up? Will Ronnie fight Situation? Will Sam say “I’m done” for the hundredth time? I will miss Sam and I hope she comes back for Season 2.

– Vinny should have his man card taken right now for not eating the crust on his pizza. If you could send someone to jail for that, Vinny would be locked up in a heartbeat.

– However, Vinny beating the beat up was hysterical.

The cast has come a long way since the days of air punching.

Reminds me of this gem. AND take your time, to trust in me, and you find, INFINITY, INFINITY. I used to fake fist pump to this song so hard.

– Ronnie and Denna fighting…

Deena losing her dad is a horrible tragedy. No one should have to experience that. However, it’s a little too serious considering Snooki just peed in the pool 5 minutes earlier.

– The rest of the episode was nothing noteworthy. Mike came back, Ronnie got drunk, and the girls were emotional. It looks like there are going to be a lot more fights this season, but the only one I am interested in is Situation vs. Ronnie. YOU WANNA HIT ME!?

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Mondays got us like… #JerseyShore

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– Finally, MTV continues to pull the same trick week after week. Snooki lost her ring and is threatening to go home. Tune in next week to see if she actually leaves! Bad cliffhangers are what make the Jersey Shore so special. I’ll bet you $10 the cast and producers found it after 5 minutes and decided to hide it for more drama.

That wraps it up for this week. See you next week on JERZDAY. Go dance to some Josh Guru Project in your local club and fist pump to honor their return.

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