If You Actually Liked Yesterday’s Blizzard, I Hate You

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

Winter Storm Stella, You Son of Bitch.

So if you lived in the Northeast, you were pummeled with snow yesterday and I mean pummeled. Never seen anything like it in recent memory. Just an onslaught of snow, wind, and freezing temperatures.

Which brings me to the title of this blog: If you actually liked yesterday’s blizzard, I hate you. How does anyone with a brain like what happened yesterday? How? It’s unreal. To quote the great fashion designer Mugatu, “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.” I’m not a snow guy whatsoever. I don’t ski or snowboard. I barely go sledding. Hell, I’m not a fan of putting on snow mode in Madden. Snow sucks.

Let’s start with the obvious reason: shoveling. FUCK SHOVELING. I understand it’s a necessary evil because you can’t go anywhere if your driveway is covered in snow, but man does it suck. I usually tag team with my dad so that’s what we did yesterday. It usually takes a little over an hour for the driveway, walkway, and back deck. So once we finished that, we had to help the older couple across the street. Figuring I needed good karma, I helped out so add another 45 minutes. Then we helped the family next door to us. Once again, needed good karma, so I helped out. Add another hour. I was outside for just about 3 hours. THREE HOURS.Did I mention we had to go back out later for round 2? My total for the day was 4 hours. I need a new back and some legs in order to get me by these next couple of days.

Next reason: Snow is the biggest inconvenience ever. It truly is. All it does is keep you inside and ruin your plans. I’m not saying I had huge plans yesterday, but cabin fever took over quickly and there was nothing I could do about it. Trapped like I was in a prison with heat, food, and internet. Life is tough.

Now, I’m not always a grinch. Snow is good for two things and two things only.
1) Christmas Day
2) Canceling Work / School

That’s it. I like a White Christmas as much as the next person. I also love when I don’t have to travel to work so in that case, another win for your boy. But other than that, snow can take a hike.

Why would I want to be cold, pale, and miserable in the winter when I could be warm, tan, and happy in the Summer? It’s a no brainer to me. Goodbye snow.